Titbits--- 111

1)How the prisoner again escaped punishment?

Once upon a time,a long time ago,so the story goes,there was a kingdom where it was customary for the king to provide one opportunity to every prisoner to escape punishment every time a prisoner was brought before him.

This he ensured by asking the prisoner to guess correctly what the exact punishment
the king had in mind for a specific charge.If the prisoner could guess correctly he was pardoned and let go free.

It just so happened that there was one particular prisoner who always escaped punishment by guessing correctly every time and went about freely to repeat the crimes without any feeling of guilt.This infuriated the king who decided to frame his question in such a way that it should be well nigh impossible for the prisoner to escape punishment.He was waiting for the right time to strike.

The opportunity the king was looking for came sooner than he expected when the prisoner was charged for a heinous crime and brought before the king for the punishment.Determined not to miss this chance,the King told the Prisoner with conviction------"COME,COME PRISONER,This Time You Cannot Escape Punishment.If You Guess Correctly How I Plan To Punish you,You Will Be Hanged and IF NOT You Will Be Shot.Tell me what have you to say"?

On hearing this after a momentary pause,the prisoner said--"My Lord I will be shot".

Now the king was in a predicament.If he were to shoot him,the prisoner had guessed correctly, in which case he should have been hanged.On the other hand if he were to hang him,he has guessed wrongly in which case he should have been shot.Caught in this predicament the King did not know what to do and with little option left he let the prisoner go.

2)Can Any One Beat This Spelling?

Ther wae one boy in a certain school who was always failing in English.His Father felt that there was something wrong in ealuation by his Teacher.To clarify his doubt
he took his son to meet his Teacher and told him---"My son may be weak in English but certainly cannot be so weak that he fails in spelling everytime.How do you really test him"?

On hearing this the Teacher said---"Now that you have a doubt it is only fair that I clear your doubt.In your presence I will ask your son to spell a word in English.If even one letter in that word is correct I will pass him.I cannot be fairer than this He then asked his son to spell 'COFFEE'.The Boy Replied---"KAUPHY".

The Teacher then looked at the Boy's Father.POOR MAN,What Can He Say?Dear Reader,Can You Bail Him Out?

3)Simple Quizes---
a)The Beginning is the End
The End is the beginning
And UR in the Middle
What is It? ANSWER---- CH UR CH

b)What is it that begins in 'T', Ends in 'T' and is full of TEA? Answer TEA POT

Compiled By BAIYU

HE IS A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW

As my Mind takes me back thro the memory lane to the periods of early 60s when I had just started my career in what was then and probably still is one of the largest Multi National Companies in India with its Head Office In Mumbai (Then called Bombay)and the Parent office In London,I was then in the FOODs Division of the company working as an Officer in their Plant at Ghaziabad (Near Delhi)engaged in Development and Manufacture of Dehydrated Vegetables and Ready To Serve convenience Food mixes. This was during the period 1963 to 1967.I was then reporting to one DR DVSK RAO,an excellent Technocrat,Highly Humorous,Very Knowledgeable,Calm and Composed and above all down to earth Human.

As his full name is very long,much longer than the normal South Indian names,and he himself used to tell jokingly that over the phone if he ever attempts to mention his full name,by the time he completes expansion of his four initials,the line will get disconnected,I will for the sake of brevity address him simply as Dr Rao in this write up as we all used to call him during the period of our association with him.

As Dr Rao expired now more than two decades back and hence is no more I thought it prudent to share with the Readers of this column some of the very pleasent memories I had with him in the hope that it makes an interesting reading.I would like to touch on this occasion narrating two instances to quantify some of the qualities
mentioned earlier and found by me in him.

Instance one
-------------

This dates back to May/June 1966/67 when the company had just launched Dehydrated soup Mixes developed and manufactured at Ghaziabad on the success of which the marketing department of the Foods Division of the company had very high hopes.But alas by the time the products got distributed in the market place and consumers started purchasing in the retail Stores, the most unexpected happened.Almost every packet in the market on opening by the consumer was found to have Live Insects and there were massive returns from the market.The same products had gone thro vigorous Quality checks before clearance and were perfectly healthy at the time of despatch from the Factory.Fresh Production had to be suspended and there was tremendous pressure on The Technical staff and for obvious reasons myself as the Production In charge and Dr Rao as my senior became the targets of attack leading to many a sleepless night.

Tis well nigh impossible to maintain one's composure under such trying conditions.I must say I learned this from DR RAO.While on one hand using his Technical knowledge
and skill he guided us to resolve the problem,he never allowed his anxiety and frustrations arising out of pressures from marketing to tell on others.In fact on one such day when the Technical Director, who had come all the way from Bombay to take stock of the situation,asked him as to what should be done to overcome the problem faced with the products,his immediate response was that we need to put an AC in his room as without it he is unable to think cohesively in the summer heat. Ofcourse his solving the problem long before the AC was installed in his office is another story that can be reserved for narration on a different day.

While this episode, on the face of it, may appear simple,It requires a high level of Grit and courage to speak as Dr Rao did and a very high level of Professionalism on the part of company management to carry people under duress.I was indeed fortunate to have had my formative periods of career with the type of people and the Company I had worked for almost a little over two decades.

Instance Two
-------------
This episode also relates to around the same period,perhaps a little earlier(1964-65) before the earlier episode took place.The New products were then under development and typical to any R&D activities ,pressure on Time was minimal.Life then was comparatively simple.This is in contrast to Manufacturing and Marketing where life being more Time Bound was always under pressure.

Dr Rao was then staying in Delhi and so were two other managers of Ghaziabad plant.
One Factory car used to go and pick them up from their homes in Delhi,bring them to the plant and drop them back in their homes in the evening after the office was over.
It just so happened that on one particular day,Dr Rao was the only person requireing this transportation as the others were either on leave or on tour.The then Factory Manager who was staying within the Factory Premises felt that If Dr Rao could leave the office an hour earlier that Day,at say around 4pm instead of the normal 5pm the car that normally goes to Delhi Office at 4pm to collect the mails can be utilised to transport DR Rao also and there is no need for another car to go all the way to Delhi.The Factory Manager informed me of this idea and requested me to remind him to take this up with Dr Rao after he comes to office that day.

I distinctly remember that day,a Hot and Humid day with Summer Heat on, when Dr Rao had just entered the office and was in the process of settling down when the Factory Manager entered his office and finding me and Dr Rao together He asked Dr Rao-----"Doc, A small request.Can You leave a little early To Day?"Dr Rao stood up,picked up his Brief case and said--"I Am Ready".Quite Needless to say all the three of us burst into a laughter.

I trust these two episodes do give a glimpse to the reader of the Personality of a person like DR RAO.He was for obvious reasons liked by one and all in the company. In all social gatherings and plant get togethers,whenever he was available,it was customary to hold his hands,form a circle and while rotating sing in chorus --------
He IS A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW
HE IS A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW
HE IS A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW
SO WE ALL DO SAY".
To those readers who may be wondering why Circle formation when lifting a person is customary on such occasions,I shall share a secret with you all.And that is as
Dr Rao was well built and stout in stature nobody was willing to risk trying to lift him up,which was quite understandable.
As DR RAO is no more ,I dedicate this write up to him.Wherever he may be resting ----
MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PEACE.

Written By BAIYU

Titbits--ii

1)How to keep a Moron occupied?

Give him one sheet of paper with PTO marked in bold letters on both sides.

2)How make a Moron laugh on a Saturday?

Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

3)Longest Word in English Literature (that I know of)

On a lighter vein For Children- SMILES (One mile distance between the First and Last
letter.)

On a serious vein For Grownups-FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION (Meaning Estimating one as worthless)This excludes possible Technical and Medical terms.

4)Dog's Instinct
-----------------
When one of my collegues in the first company, where I started my career, failed in the very first round, when he could not differentiate ten totally different Perfumes shown to him for smelling in the process of forming a panel of Perfumers for the company,he expressed an unusual Joy at his rejection which was rather strange to say the least.
As this was not a requirement for the job of the post of a chemist in the Analytical Laboratory for which he was engaged and as such response to undergo the test for the Perfumers Panel was purely Voluntary,there may be no cause to grieve in getting rejected in the first round itself but that was no reason why he should have been delighted at the rejection.He was reluctant to say anything in public,particularly in presence of the Chief Perfumer of the company who conducted the test.However In private he confided in me that the true cause for his delight on rejection was mainly his conviction expressed in his own words"Smelling Is Dog's Instinct."

When I heard this,my immediate response was'What A Way To Look At'.Just imagine if every one were to view like this what would have been the fate of our lives in absence of any Perfumary development.Thank God,people like this collegue of mine are more an exception than a rule.Dear Reader,What Do You Have To Say?

WHO ELSE BUT A MARWARI CAN DO THIS?

Preface
--------
It is well known that of all the communities in India,the ones most succesful in Business are the Marwaris.While in other communities some are succssful and some are not and the success rates may vary amongst the different communities,there is hardly a case of failure in business(atleast not that I know of)with Marwaris.
This is illustrated by a story which someone told me quite sometime back (I do not remember who and when)which I thought I will share with my Kavitanjali members thro'this column of Light Readings.

However before I do so,I would like to inform all my readers that when I narrated this story to the Chairman of the last Company I worked before my normal retirement
from service, he,himself being a Marwari,liked it so much that he made it a point to ask me to narrate this story to the audiance on every occasion of get together in the company.

I therefore shall now proceed to narrate this story thro'this column of Light Readings with the hope that those who read this story do find it humerous and interesting.The charecters mentioned ,other than Marwari,are purely illustrative and can be substituted by any other communities.I shall now proceed to tell the story.


Story
-----
A man puts up an advt.in the local News Paper asking for a person to go to the Outer Space.Three people apply viz one Bengali,One Punjabi and One Marwari.All three were interviewed simultaneously.
First the Bengali was asked what his charges would be.He said that he would expect a
payment of Rs ONE LAKH.
Next the Panjabi was asked for his fees and he replied Rs TWO LAKHS.When asked why so much when the Bengali was willing to settle for one lakh,the Punjabi replied that due to the element of risk involved in going to the outer spacs,he would leave one lakh with his wife for her security and the other One Lakh he would keep with him to invest in business on return if he successfully completes the space travel.
Now it was the turn of the Marwari to quote his price and he mentioned Rs Three Lakhs.When asked to justify against the other two quotes,he took the interviewer aside and told him in private that out of the Three Lakhs,he would pay the recruiter one lakh to select him,pay another one lakh to the Bengali and ask him to go to the Outer Space and invest the remaining one Lakh in his business.

Dear Reader.What do you say to this?Is it any wonder why Marwaris are always successful in business?

Written By BAIYU

Titbits--- I

1) Who is a Philosopher?

A Philosopher is a Blind Person inside a Dark Room,Searching for a Black Cat,which is not there------------ANNONYMUS

2)Nursery Rhyme Recomposed

Existing for Infants
---------------------
Twinkle,Twinkle Little Star
How I Wonder What You Are
Up Above The World So High
Like A Diamond In The Sky.

Recomposed for Grownups
------------------------
Scintillate,Scintillate Diminutive Asteroid
How I Marvel What Thou Art
Up Above The Globe so High
Like a Sparkling Carbon In The Sky.

Composed By BAIYU

3)How a simple sentence can be made to appear complicated
---------------------------------------------------------

Simple sentence for Children-----ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT SIMPLY GOLD.

Reworded for Grownups---ALL THAT EFFULGES IS NOT IPSO FACTO AUREUS.

Compiled By BAIYU----November 2007.

PROBLEM IN BEING A MANAGER FOR LONG.

This was the time in India during the seventies when Industrial labour unrest was at its peak with the Labour Unions militant in their approach,their demands unrealistic and what is worse the means adopted by the unions in the form of physical coersion of Management Employees to achieve their ends was downright barbarous to say the least.In such a scenario it was but natural that the Management-Labour Relationship in most companies across the Industries in India was then at its lowest ebb.

In the above scenario,the ones affected most were the large Multi Nationals and large Indian companies.This was partly due to the large labour force involved with greater militancy and partly due to much higher expectations by labour being more with increased wages they were paid.It was therefore necessary for the management of these companies to keep the relationship with the workers as cordial as possible on an ongoing process and to pre empt actions when required without waiting for the event to take place.

One large Multinational Company (name not disclosed) then the largest consumer products manufacturing and marketing company in India,,where I was then working in their Bombay(now called Mumbai)plant,was well known as a fore runner in such management techniques.Towards this purpose besides the close interractions in work,the company used to organise regular Extra Curricular Activities in the form of Games,Dramatics and the like where the management ensured active participation of the workmen.One such event held annually and looked forward eagerly by both the Managemenst Staff and the workmen was the inter departmental one innings Tennis Ball Cricket match held simultaneously between different departments on a big play ground near Chembur (a suburb of Bombay)followed by a sumptuous Lunch at Company's cost.Although I was an active participant in these events as a management employee,personally I had my own reservations on the utility of building such relationships which I believed could only be temporary and brittle.I was somehow convinced that at the end of the day the then labour would ultimately demand and act what they feel is suited to them.Although I had shared this view of mine with my Seniors in different forums, the Corporate management viewed otherwise and I,as a disciplined soldier,followed suit.

It was on one early winter morning in 1977,I remember,we had one such one innings Tennis Ball cricket match in which we lost to our neighbour department very early in the day and I was watching other departments playing while waiting for the Lunch break.In fact even before the Plant Head,one BERTY(full Name not disclosed) turned up on the ground to watch us playing,our match had got over and he could only join me in watching others play.

When Berty enquired as to what happened to our game,I narrated to him what exactly happened and the dialogue that took place between the two of us was as follows----
Berty:"What about your match for the day?
Myself:"Sorry saab,Our match is already over.We lost to the Hard Soaps Department.
Berty:So soon?I can't believe it.What exactly happened?
Myself:We lost the toss and were put in to bat.We were all out for forty Two runs and they scored it off easily losing only two wickets.
Berty:How much did you score?
Myself:Berty,I will narrate what exactly happened.The Fist ball I faced was outside the off stump,I tried to hit it and I missed the ball.The second ball I faced was outside the leg stump,I again tried to hit it and again missed the ball.And the third ball ,Berty,was a straight ball which I again missed and I could see the ball going towards the wicket.
Berty:So you got bowled?
Myself:No Berty,This is when I took a spot management decision.Since getting bowled is a humiliating form of getting out,I stopped the ball with one of my legs and I was declared out LBW.
Berty:But tell me. If you had so much time to stop the ball with your leg,why did you not stop with the bat?
Myself:Yes Berty coming to think of it this is what I should have done.But then this is the problem in being a manager for so long.Even as you decide it happens to be a wrong decision.

On hearing this,Berty, who was aware of my views on such relationships building,
was taken a back for a moment but realising the humour behind my saying so,,he burst into a hearty laugh.So loud was his laugh that when others and myself joined in his laugh,ours got drowned in his laughter.

Narrated by BAIYU (self)

COMMENTARY ON HAMLET

Preface
Aiyer,through his commentary on Shakespeare's Hamlet,provides to his Readers not only a lucid comparison of different characteristics of this play vis a vis those of the other plays of Shakespeare but also what is more gives an insight into the style of English language writing in vogue in England and elsewhere including India during his time dating back to the early Elizabathian age.This was charecterised by use of Long Sentences,Complex Flow of Writing,liberal use of Hard Hitting Words and the like,all of which is almost extinct in today's world of communication.All these and more can be seen in Aiyer's commentary on Hamlet and I thought it prudent to present an extract of the same,thro'this column of LIGHT READINGS,for the present day youth to have a glimpse of the style of English writing during the bygone days.I do hope those who read this write up enjoy this Light Reading.

Actual Commentary By Aiyer:An Extract of his commentary on Hamlet is as follows -----

The play of Hamlet is perhaps almost unanimously regarded as the very best of Shakespeare's dramas as indeed one of the best productions of human genius in the west.Its greatness,it is also agreed,is due,not merely to its artistic excellence
the daring with which the poet creates interesting and difficult situations,the
wonderful ease with which he handles them,the imagery of the language nor the intoxication of the profoundity of his ideas,in respect to which many others of his plays have a claim to be ranked equal with if not even superior to it but chiefly to the unique greatness of its hero.Wonderfully rich as the creative faculty of Shakespeare was so much so his plays form a new world amongst themselves to what we may call a VISHWAMITRA SHRISHTI in our opinion.Hamlet The Prince Of Denmark is by far the best among his children.

While the other plays reveal to us Shakespeare The Poet lending the gorgeous colours of his fancies and vivifying them with faculty divine, this terrible tragedy of Hamlet reveals to us Shakespeare The Philosopher,whom man does not delight nor woman either and to whom this overwelming filmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire appears to be no other thing less than a "foul,stale ,flat and unprofitable" and the few pleasures that are found therein are nothing but incongrual vapours and who when called upon to act seriously puts to himself the Question which is better "To Be Or Not To Be .Whether tis'nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them?"

Here in this play all the daliance of nature is set aside.Even its love scenes are melancoly unlike those of Romeo and Juliet,The Tempest,As You Like It,Othello and others and has alas a tragic end.And that end too is not blasted by an ignoble compromise as in Romeo and Juliet,not rendered ghastly terrible with jealosy kindled with malice as in Othello but is sorrowful because the gentle emotional love is blasted by a vigorous and a searching philosophy so cynical as to reveal in its consciousness a Sexton's spade.This however by itself is not the end of Philosophy and is only its beginning.But then in the ultimate man goes hoping for something anew but finding there just a gaping void instead of a solid kernal,he burns into an inextinguishsble agony of despair".

Preface By BAIYU
Commentary Compiled By BAIYU

YOUNG OR OLD

Just around the period in early 80s when I was in my middle age and sincerely felt that I had not started showing signs of ageing,my son,who was then in his Teens made a relatively innocent remrk that brought me down to ground reality.

It was some time one evening in 1982/83,I remember,when both my son and myself were having a stroll in the corridors of CONNAUGHT PLACE in New Delhi,when some one around my age called me by my nick name and kept conversing for nearly 15 to 20 minutes or so.Quite needless to say that twas only after he departed and I reflected on all that he talked about that I realised that he was my classmate in my college days whom I was meeting for the first time after passing out of college in 1957 and so I wondered how he still remebered my face and my name.

When I proudly asked my son how is it that my friends are able to recognise me after so long and whether it means I am still as young as in my youth,my son promptly replied in all innocence ---"Don't have any such false ideas.Even in those days you
probably looked so old".What do I say to this? Am I young or I was old ?

Assassination of Father Of The Nation

When Mahatma Gandhi,Father of the Nation (India)was Assassinated on 30th January 1948 One leading newspaper from Calcutta (now called Kolkata)came out in the next day's morning edition (31st Jan)with the following write up in the Front Page of the News Paper printed in Bold Letters engulfed within a Black Border running on all the four sides.To Quote--------

"GANDHIJI HAS BEEN KILLED BY HIS OWN PEOPLE FOR WHOSE REDEMPTION HE LIVED.THIS SECOND CRUCIFIXION IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD WAS ENACTED ON A FRIDAY,THE SAME DAY JESUS WAS DONE TO DEATH NOW ONE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN YEARS AGO.FATHER FORGIVE US".

Compiled by BAIYU

You will never become the chairman of a company.

"Dad,you will never become the chairman of a company"said my son one day sometime in 1992 when after his post graduation in Chemical Engineering, he had just startd his career as a chemical engineer in a Refinary firm in Mumbai,India and I was then, at the peak of my career as President (Technical) with around six years service left for retirement in a large indian manufacturing company at tha same location.How prophetic was his saying became clear as years rolled by,when post retirement as President Techical,although I worked full time for another five years in two other companies of repute,of which for around two years as Chief executive of A Pharma based company near Kochi, Kerala,all these positions were second in command to the Chairman And Managing Director which position I could never reach since by then I was not only well past the age of superannuation but also entered the state of SENIOR Citizen and hence had to bow out of any further full time service.

What prompted my son to say this forms an interesting dialogue between the two of us,which, I thought, I will share with those who happen to go thro' this Light reading.

Some time in eary 92,before the above mentioned dialogue between the two of us took place,I was in Mumbai Domestic Airport to catch an early morning flight to Ahmedabad on official work and I had just cleared the Security check and was waiting in the lounge,when I noticed an elderly gentleman passing thro the security and he very much resembled one ex chairman of one of the largest multi national companies in our country,India,where I had worked for over two decades earlier,during which preiod for some time had the previlege of working under his chairmanship as a production manager in the company's Mumbai plant.

Having last seen him, as the Chairman of the company, way back in 1972 before he moved to Delhi, on a call from Union Government, to join as a Member Of The Planning Commission, I felt so thrilled to see him after such a long lapse of time. After ascertaining from his mannerisms and his style of walking that he was indeed the same person I had thought of,I walked straight to him and before introducing myself enquired whether he could recognise me.He promptly said yes but lest I make him feel embarrassed I was about to volunteer revealing my official name when he stopped me and asked a couple of probing queries related to both my work during his period in the company and my meeting him once in his house in Delhi with my niece who happened to be his daughter's classmate.No sooner than I answered his queries,he identified me and called me by my official name.Quite honestly I felt dumbfounded and thrilled.

After all as the chairman of the country's one of the largest multi national companies where I had then worked as a departmental head way back in '72our contacts were very limited and my subsequent visit to his house in Delhi was also brief and dates back to'82.Under such circumstances for me to recognise him there is nothing great but for him to remember me and my name ,I must say was least expected.

When I narrated the above incident to my son later in '92 and enquired how it was possible to identify one after such long lapse of time,particularly when I find it so difficult to remember the names of my collegues, if we do not meet regularly, my son instantly replied---
"Dad,that is the difference.That is why he could be a chairman.You will never become the chairman of a company".

On his so saying,how unpalatable it may be,I could not help agreeing with him.